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Thursday, February 02, 2006
The plumage don't enter into it
Sinner of the Day #213 This is a sad post: while I might seem like a ravenous over-sexed booze hound, the truth is, I fully support responsible, moderate moderation. Which is why I'm sorry to report the death of Viennese (I'm Viennese!) songbirds, who apparently flew head into windows after gorging on fermented berries.
"They looked like they were chronic alcoholics," Sonja Wehsely, a spokeswoman for Vienna's veterinary authority, told Austrian television Thursday.
RIP Tootie. He went out craving a cheeseburger
I guess they mostly died with a smile. I make no judgments, but they will be missed. Moderate moderation, everybody. Moderate moderation. Too much hurts the best of us. Sigh, but why does that have to be ...
Posted at 04:34 pm by LadyPenelope
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Wednesday, February 01, 2006
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
Sinner of the Day #212 I love to read, and I love to drive, and what better idle than to read and drive? I've had, in the past, to drive half way across the country back and forth and back again, many times a year. Do I ever know how boring a long car trip can get! Who am I, then, to cast any aspersions in David Kennedy's direction. The road is long, indeed. And sometimes requires porn. David, have I ever been there! 
David K., YOU DOG
But take my suggestion: instead of pulling out the magazine, use your
imagination on the driver in your rear view mirror. This might entail
some crafty manipulation through traffic. That's why you have a middle finger, friend. Use it sparingly.
Posted at 03:30 pm by LadyPenelope
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Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Not afraid to do the dirty work
Sinner of the Day #211 Heehee. Across from the Concord police station, Ernest and Debra Watts needed to make a few bucks. Of course, they could've opened a doughnut shop, but naw. They went for the big cash and started a brothel. Who'da thunk they'd ever get busted?
Surveillance of the apartment revealed arrive by 10 a.m. and leave by 7 p.m. Men would enter and leave throughout the day, staying fora Monday-through-Friday operation in which women would about 30 minutes at a time, according to the affidavit.
That's all it takes for a brothel conviction? Oh dear. I might've lived in a few. 
A thorough hands-on investigation was decided necessary
But the real prize for the day goes not to Ernest or to Debra but to the cops and whoever was responsible for the sentence:
Police raided the apartment in January of 2005, six months after an informant tipped them off ... The couple, who lived in Fairfield but recently moved to Las Vegas, will be prohibited from working in any business related to prostitution as part of their probation.
Posted at 09:53 pm by LadyPenelope
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Monday, January 30, 2006
Sinner of the Day #210 This is admittedly a little lame--Abound, ye sinners! Abound!--but Scotland has recently crowned its master at the World Mince and Tatties Championship. I don't know what Mince and Tatties are. I don't want to know what they are. But I have a pretty good idea of how Constable Barney MacFarlane makes his mince and tatties stand out in the crowd:
The Strathclyde Police officer, who beat 15 other entrants to scoop the prize, said: "There is just one ingredient that maybe isn't in your traditional recipe, but I'm keeping it to myself." Please. Do. You dirty, dirty constable.
Well, you can't make Scottish food taste any worse.
Also, I love how Scotland calls this the "WORLD" Mince and Tatties Championship. Besides Scots, has anybody else bothered to enter the race?
Special thanks for the photo to Matthew Haughey of the very cool Ten Years of My Life, whose work is released under the Creative Commons License.
Posted at 09:59 pm by LadyPenelope
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Thursday, January 26, 2006
Its never as dirty as you want it to be
Sinner of the Day #209 Legacy Hedonism Ale. If you live in or around Reading, PA, look for it in your beer store, beneath the brown wrapper. Certain Penna residents (you know who they are) are shocked and aghast at the pr0nigraphic bottle art, and have decided to treat Legacy Hedonism ale like convenience store pr0n: put that away! Alas, a thorough search of the wrappers reveals no indecent anatomy. Penn-nuts, I'm not saying I would use it for my child's wallpaper, but, as I know something of PA's restrictive alcohol sales laws, why do you bring your toddlers to the beer store?
Click on pic for explosive hedonistic ... oh, forget it. Well, it is red.
Legacy Hedonism Ale. It sounds too good to be true. But it gets a pretty decent score, better than Wolavers not as good as Bells, and I'm happy with either of those. Hmm, maybe I should get a job doing beer bottle illustration.
Posted at 05:11 pm by LadyPenelope
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My Profile, at least, the not-so-interesting parts I'm willing to confess to
 Sinners Unite!When I was a lass of five, a nun told me that in order to get into heaven I had to be absolutely perfect--a saint. So I better start trying, she implied. Fuck that shit. I dedicate this small piece of the web to celebrating sinners, the more unabashed the better, who bravely row against the current of religious tyranny. I meant it to be daily, but it's harder than you'd think to find quality sinners. They should ideally be non-repentent, shameless, proud. If the powers that be are trying to ban them, all the better. But I'd like to add that I'm not looking for assholes either. Sin and sincerity go together well, and sinfulness and sweetness are not mutually exclusive, as anyone who's ever had a Vosges truffle well knows. And piety's such a bore! So leave your sanctimony at the door, and nominate some A-plus sinners!
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